


You Should Have Done It Through a Silly Straw

by zenonaa



Series: Leon's House Party [3]
Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Drunkenness, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 18:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3178099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zenonaa/pseuds/zenonaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You didn’t stand a chance, dude. Naegi-chi told me that she got the hang of ice skating real quick too. Also, don’t take this personally, but Kirigiri-chi is better looking than you.”</p><p>Leon threw a house party and this is the aftermath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Should Have Done It Through a Silly Straw

**Author's Note:**

> I got two requests on tumblr. One was for a sequel to this: http://archiveofourown.org/works/1593779 and another was something about drunk Togami talking about Fukawa. So I combined them into this.

By the end of the party, Leon was supposed to have kissed Sayaka inside a closet that Makoto stood guard over at the door for seven minutes. Seven minutes minimum. During those seven minutes, Leon should have schmoozed Sayaka into the palm of his hand. Her cheek should have pressed into his palm as she puckered her lips and leaned inward simultaneously with him. The feat, his victory, would have scrawled at the top of his list of achievements of the year. No, not just the year. His life. None of the girls that he so far worked his way on compared to Sayaka. Idol Sayaka. Pretty Sayaka. Sayaka Maizono.

Instead, Leon wound up on the couch with his face in his hands and most of his guy classmates for company. Most of his guy classmates. Most of them because Makoto Naegi walked back to the school with not only Sayaka but Kyouko and the other girls as well. Meek, friendly Makoto played him for a fool. Or something. According to Leon, anyway.

Yasuhiro patted Leon on the back. “Hey, now, Kuwata-chi. We don’t think any less of you just because you didn’t complete your dare.”

Leon jerked up his chin. “You’re way off base! I’m pissed ‘cause I almost got with Maizono in the closet but...” He rubbed at the back of his head, eyes averted. “... didn’t.”

Now Leon just had a messy house that he needed to restore for his friend of a friend, and there was no way he was going to let the others wheedle their way out of helping him. Bottles, full and empty and inbetween, needed picking up and Kiyotaka would insist that they be recycled correctly. Stains needed to be scouted for and eliminated, which Leon knew he could count on Kiyotaka to ensure. The guy’s school shirts were so white that they would probably blind someone if light hit him at the right angle, clean to an extreme.

Kiyotaka sat on Leon’s other side, clad in his school uniform and very much incongruous due to everyone else wearing more casual attire. Leon quickly took a headcount of how many people were still there. Himself. Kiyotaka. Mondo at the foot of the couch. Hifumi beside Mondo, lying on the floor on his back, his snores a quiet hum. Yasuhiro. Byakuya.

His eyes narrowed at the last person they fell upon.

“I got with someone in the closet,” Byakuya told the ceiling, smirking to himself and slouching against the back of the armchair. He spotted an empty bottle on a nearby side table and seized it.

Leon shot a glare at him. “I would have if you weren’t already there checking Fukawa’s bra size or whatever you were doing.”

Hifumi stopped snoring. His eyes opened a fraction, reminiscent of beetles.

Byakuya squinted at the empty bottle in his fist, shaking it and listening for any sloshes that would mean it still contained some liquid. “I kissed her. I kissed her mouth with my mouth and I kissed her other places also.”

“Yeah.” Leon wrinkled his nose. “I saw, and I’m going to see it in my nightmares too.”

Kiyotaka waggled his finger. “Your shortcoming is most likely for the better, Kuwata-kun! What you endeav... deav... tried to do to accomplish achieve was...” A yawn. “... very bad.”

“I think she brushed her teeth recently,” Byakuya piped up, contorting his mouth into what could have been a smile as he admired his pale reflection in the glass bottle.

“Yes, well,” Kiyotaka shifted in his seat, “I’m happy to hear that Fukawa-kun has kept up with her oral hygiene cleaning.”

Hifumi let out a sharp snort and sat up with a lurch, arms and legs flailing as he adjusted to being upright. “Huh? W-What are you discussing...?” He dabbed at his forehead with his hand, eyes bulging to an alarming extent. “O-Oral...?”

Leon rolled his eyes.

“Get your mind out of the gutter, dude,” said Yasuhiro. “We’re talking about brushing teeth.”

That didn't interest Hifumi, apparently, because he flumped back down and started snoring again.

Byakuya flicked his tongue at his bottom row of teeth, looking like he wanted to say something that no one else wanted to hear.

Mondo noticed and cleared his throat, blinking blearily. He tried to invigorate himself by rubbing his knuckles across his eyes. “Seriously, Kuwata, it’s not a big deal. You didn’t kiss her. So what, you know? She probably didn’t want to kiss you anyway.”

“What?” A spike of indignation shot down Leon and lingered at the bottom of his stomach. “The Hell, dude? Why wouldn’t she want a taste of me?”

“‘Cause she’s not interested?” Mondo suggested. He kicked out a leg so it lay horizontal across the floor, other knee staying folded by his chest, and twisted around a bit. Frowning, he grasped Leon’s knee and gave it a firm squeeze. “S’like this... s’like, she spent more time with Kirigiri and Naegi than you. And pretty much everyone else.”

Leon locked his hands into fists and flapped his crooked arms in an imitation of an enraged chicken. “Oi, oi! I don’t need to hear this pity from you. You got to kiss Ishimaru so don’t say it’s no big deal to me.”

“I kissed Tofu,” Byakuya said, looking thoughtful. The neck of his bottle slipped down his palm until his fist was at the top of the bottle. “I liked it. We’ve both read the book of Pride and Prejudice.”

Yasuhiro glanced at Byakuya briefly. “You already told us that, man.”

Keeping his hand on Leon’s knee, Mondo pointed at Leon with his other hand and jabbed at the air several times. “S’that was a dare, me and Kyoudai, and he kissed me. He kissed me on the cheek!”

To emphasise his point, Mondo stabbed his finger into his cheek where the kiss presumably happened.

“Yeah, and then you both agreed to kiss on the mouth for like a minute afterwards,” Leon reminded him. “That kiss on the mouth wasn’t, like, you could have not kissed on the mouth.”

Mondo barked out a laugh and placed his hands onto his hips. “A’ight, you got me there. I got carried away or something, yeah?”

Kiyotaka clicked his fingers with both hands as he pointed at Mondo, shaking with silent laughter.

“That he did get you, Kyoudai!” said Kiyotaka. “And you kissed most well... I felt your soul clash with mine! Your passion spoke loud! It was extra credit worthy!”

Earlier, music had blared to the point that some guests hinted the neighbours might complain, but no police officers or local residents knocked on the front door at any point during the party. The music was only switched off when the majority of people remaining in the room voted for its termination after the girls headed back to the school, and so ten seconds of blissful silence now passed, made imperfect only by Hifumi’s snores.

Then Byakuya ruined it. “My kiss lasted more than a minute.”

“We know,” said Leon.

“A lot longer. And she has seen Branded to Kill.”

“We know!” Leon said again. He threw his hands up. “Why couldn’t Fukawa have taken you back with her?”

“The girls all took off together,” Yasuhiro said as he prodded the tips of his index fingers together, eyes narrowed. His tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth a little, in concentration. “I think it’s girl code to move in groups at night... Guys as a social category are total creeps, like even if certain individuals aren’t and even if others aren’t actively aware of their privilege, so girls have to like... take it upon themselves to protect each other, ‘cause the threats to them are also the people in power and stuff, ‘right? S’hard to change the dynamics and rules of the game when the imbalance of power isn’t in your favour.”

“Wow.” Leon furrowed his brow. “You’re really hammered.”

Byakuya let the bottle in his hand slide out of his slackened grip. It fell onto his seat, rolled, and then thudded to the floor. To Leon’s relief, Byakuya didn’t say anything and just stared into space.

More silence followed. Kiyotaka gazed out of the window while Mondo tapped his fingers against the carpet. Hifumi’s snores faded into part of the furniture, as home to Leon as the painting on the wall that looked like a stock image from the internet, and the rug in the centre of the room. Even if this wasn't Leon's house. That was why Hifumi so easily blended into the place.

Soon the lack of conversation felt suffocating.

“What am I doing wrong?” Leon asked, bent over and talking muffled into his lap. “I threw a killer party, drank fire through a straw...”

“You should have done it through a silly straw,” said Yasuhiro, and he started rubbing circles on Leon’s back.

Leon tensed. “You think?”

Yasuhiro nodded. Realising that Leon couldn’t see him nod, Yasuhiro added, “Besides, did you see Kirigiri-chi’s dance moves? You didn’t stand a chance, dude. Naegi-chi told me that she got the hang of ice skating real quick too. Also, don’t take this personally, but Kirigiri-chi is better looking than you.”

He massaged more circles, able to feel Leon relax under his touch. Or emotionally and physically crumble away. One of the two.

“Feel any better?” Yasuhiro asked.

The noise that Leon grumbled sounded like a ‘no’.

Lowering his voice to a soothing level, Yasuhiro asked, “You want me to keep going?”

Leon nodded.

More kneading. Harder now. What sounded like a moan was heaved out of Leon. It could have been a sob though.

“I can give you a ‘walking on the back’ massage,” offered Yasuhiro. “A dude from one of the higher grades taught me how to give them. You start on the upper back,” he crawled his fingers down Leon’s back, “and keep your feet either side of the spine. It feels refreshing and is a totally cathartic therapy technique.”

Kiyotaka whipped his head around, suddenly alert. “What it feels like is a danger... inducing act! Hagakure-kun, have you been trained by a prof... prof...?” His words died in his throat.

“Professor?” suggested Mondo.

“No. That’s... not right...!” Kiyotaka flushed as he scrunched up his face, thinking. “Prof... ess...?”

“I want Furikake to walk down my back,” said Byakuya. “In high heels.”

“Professional!” A smile broke across Kiyotaka’s face but it soon dropped off. “What were we talking about?”

Yasuhiro waved a hand. “I was going to give Kuwata-chi a back massage.”

Kiyotaka reclined into the couch. “Ah, that sounds delighting!”

Mondo wiggled around in a quarter-circle and rested his head against Hifumi’s stomach, using it as a pillow. He yawned and then shut his eyes.

“Wait.” Yasuhiro's features darkened. “I don’t have an overhead rail to hold onto. I mean, I don’t think it matters but...”

“You know what?” said Byakuya and he hoisted himself into a proper sitting position, sounding way too pleased with himself.

“No,” said Leon. He lifted his head just enough so he could see him. “Don’t. Don’t say anything. Just... Just don’t, okay?”

“I want Fugu Sashi to step on the head of my rail.”

Leon jolted upright, knocking Yasuhiro’s hand off his back, face as aflame as his red shock of hair. “I said don’t say anything!”

“So? I don’t even listen to my own father if I can help it.” Byakuya stretched up an arm and Leon imagined a metaphorical flag waving behind the heir, only it burned to an imaginary crisp at Byakuya’s next choice of words. “I’m going to fuk her awa.”

Mondo snorted, eyes still shut. “Hell yeah.”

“You know what?” Leon leaped off the couch and lay on his stomach in the middle of the rug. “Hagakure. Step on me. Step all over me as hard as you can. Just do it. Fucking step all over me.”

At least Yasuhiro gave good back massages.


End file.
